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A Struggling Blind Woman

I’m in college now. i could never imagine myself getting this far. I was always scared that i wouldn’t make it. It was obvious that i wasn’t the smartest one in the bunch. I was truly fearful of becoming a failure. 

I get to college. I recognize my freedom immediatley and take advantage of it. I may have taken to much advantage of it because i screwed up my classes now. I’m struggling now to pull up my grades because if i don’t i will not make it. It was promised of me to come home if i didn’t do well. I can’t afford that. The embarrassment. The shame i will face knowing that i couldnt handle being on my own. I seriously strayed away from God. I am a firm believer in christ and as soon as i got to college i let the earthly things pull me from his love. The consequences are now what i am facing. 

If i don’t get it together then i will surely fail. It just doesn’t seem right though. This can’t be the end. I came so far and accomplished so much. This can’t be the right direction. I feel as though i belong their. This can’t be the end. Regardless im giving my life back to God. I want to struggle no more. Its to much. Smoking, drinking, and partying really isn’t worth it and its attracting the wrong attention. I want to do this right. I want to be a good example.

I want to be so successful so bad, you have no idea. I realized now that i can only do that if i have God with me. I can only depend on him now. He wont let me down I know that. I have to do my part but its him that’s making the moves. I have faith in him. I believe that i will stay in school. I believe that i can make it. Its not Over. Me and God till the end. I pray that he helps me resist temptation and keeps me on the path because i want to live and healthy righteous life. No more worries. 

I‘m blinded by temptation no more.I will struggle no more. I can do this and i dare you to tell me otherwise. Laugh at me because i’m making a change. I don’t care. Look at me and then look at yourself. Watch who comes out on top. I will Succeed. Believe that.

Listening

I made myself believe i was over you even though we never had anything. It became difficult for me, and still is to see you and realize that there is nothing there. When i wanted to tell you something and i told you, it wasn’t fully there.  I guess i’m a bit difficult. I sit and listen to Soul music, whine, and think a little. I backed off because i knew that there wasn’t going to be anything between us. Just a Lip Lock.

I love listening to this music. It fills the void i wish you were in and it always makes me sad when i can listen no more. I think that if you were to read my blog you would be super creeped out because you wold realize they were about you but just know i don’t want to make you feel like that. This will be the final and last words i write about you. As i listen to soul i corrupt my thoughts of you. I want you out of my head. I want you gone because you caused nothing but stress for me even if you didn’t know it. 

I know you don’t mean to but falling hard for someone who see’s you as invisible is very heart wrenching. Man, you were and are perfect in every way and i want to go to the top with you. I hate that i can’t have you but i wish you the best with anyone you are with even though i know i’m going to hate to watch you. Life’s a bitch but this experience has taught me a lesson. NEVER listen to Soul music broken hearted.

Dorm Room Update: Drum Covers

I hate when old men be lookin at young girls. Old Stank asses!! Shit just don’t look right.

……jeez

 So i go to class everyday hoping to run into you but when i do i have no idea what to say. Is it fair that you can feel so strongly about someone and they not feel the same about you? I want to tell you that i don’t like you, but i have feelings for you. Its like, i do like you but its a stronger kind of like. It’s more than a crush because a crush can’t make my heart beat faster than the speed of light when i receive a text message from you sayin “what you doin?”, or can it? 

I feel so much stronger about you than the first time we kissed. You made me the happiest person that day and the saddest because it didn’t last. My body still tingled when i thought about it which is insane. I don’t know what else to say. You got my head spinning out of control. SO, i want to tell you something. I’m not asking for a relationship or for us to even just “talk”, i just want you to know how i feel. I don’t want your feedback. So look, Just Shut-up and listen because i need to tell you something.

…….jeez

Im not messin up my schedule no matter how much i wanna spend time wit you. Im in college to learn not fall in love. -__-

I like you. :-)

I can’t explain myself.

So, your new to me and good to me. You do more than a regular person without asking. Your very attractive and great personality. I wake up each day hoping to see you. I know it would be a little awkward if I told you I liked you so I hide behind a blog and pretend. It would probably gross you out. I wouldn’t know what to say. If you read this, I couldn’t explain myself. The look of disgust because your out of my league, and your taste is different. Keeping this a secret along with my feelings is going to be hard but if I told you how I feel it would ruin everything. I’m pissed and a little bunmed. Your awesome. Stay that way.

fuckyeahstreetlights:

Submitted by mvayuyao

I remember as a kid all I wanted to do was leave the house but now that I’m older all I want to do sleep.

To prevent a way of abnormal, follow the crowd style I created my own style. I guess